Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
