Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
