I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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