having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
