it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I believe in your delicious
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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