"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
