I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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