And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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