Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
