My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
there is glitter all over my balls
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
