You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
