i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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