I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
