Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
