the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i came on her dog
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
