I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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