i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
