..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
