His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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