It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
