Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize