I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
