Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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