yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
