Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Your penis caused this!
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