I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
