I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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