I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
