I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
