When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
