I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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