My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
