do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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