the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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