Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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