No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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