Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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