i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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