I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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