so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
