I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
