so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
