I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
