she looked like the before picture.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
be right there i have to get my cape
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
