I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
