I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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