We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
