I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
