turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
