Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
