i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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