make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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