Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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