just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Pants are for mortals
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize