I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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