You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize