Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
