Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
