Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
