What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
