just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
