Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
