He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
