We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
