awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
