we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's blow job season.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
