don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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