fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
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Do I have a choice?
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Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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