A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
