just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
how drunk are you?
Several
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
