apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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